house of cards

   i can't decide if this is a good day or a bad day. awoke with a dislocated finger on my "good at the moment" hand, which kind of ruined my day. storms going over are not helping me feel any better. i feel very lonely and isolated today. just wanting to move to a housing type situation, right now, which only happens to me when i am really depressed and frustrated. i love my house and my family, but i can't be a part of anything or just enjoy being with them. i am stuck upstairs in my house, with no help right now. trying to do laundry so i have something to wear to a wake on thursday. it's everything i can do to get the clothes moved to the dryer.
   i'm so frustrated that i can't even fold clothes or clean out my closet, etc. i was supposed to have my first Radio Frequency Ablation of my left sacroiliac nerves today, so i cleared my schedule. it got postponed for two weeks, which puts off the right side another two weeks. now i have this clear time, which i very rarely have, and i'm not using it to recover. lots of letdown today, i was so looking forward to getting it over with and being on the way to relief. now i will lose the whole month of july to the two procedures.
   another "zebra" friend of mine gave me a link to affordable ring splints for my fingers. i am supposed to go to a PT or Physiatrist and get custom bracing, but i don't know when that will happen. one more thing that got postponed because of the RFA change. i really should learn to play dominoes, while my life crashes around me like them! i will probably order one or two splints out of my next disability check, while i wait to get to the "experts". i'll hold my breath for the reimbursement, along with the ankle brace i had to buy. i need what i need, when i need it. i have my finger taped up, and DREAD taking the tape off, because half of my fragile EDS skin will come with it. can't keep taping, so i'll have to choose the worst finger joints and get them done myself, then wait for the rest to be covered by insurance, i hope.
   every day that my eyes open is a good day. however, john and i are just so frustrated with things getting rescheduled all the time. people have no idea just how carefully this medical house of cards is stacked. one thing changes, and the whole things falls down with a "whoosh". now i'm lying on the floor surrounded by the cards that were so difficult to stack, wondering how i will get them and myself up again.

knock me down again, gravity!

keep knocking me down, gravity. i will rise again, every time! it's father's day, and i miss my "Daddy". always. fell again this morning, hit the hand that's already in a brace from last week. refuse to spend two nice sunday afternoons in a row at the ER. we had a nice brunch that john and the Chap cooked together, with lots of bacon :)  they're outside playing now. i'm inside, not daring to move much, nor able to. hit the back of my head on the TP holder- owie. i never thought i'd say this, but i miss my walker! being back on one crutch is being right back where i was, falling multiple times a day. good thing that Bumbles bounce, but i'm making my guardian angel work triple overtime lately. still, how can i keep from singing?