"dumb paws"

   i am WORKING on staying positive and productive today, and on this day it is hard work. i have "severe peripheral neuropathy secondary to EDS" in all 4 limbs. i often refer to my hands as "dumb paws", because they don't follow directions nowadays. in fact, they've been deteriorating for at least 15 years, so it was gradual the way they stopped obeying orders. i love to write, but that's hard enough right now with half-a-left-hand. i can't do much, but i now appreciate what i HAVE been able to do with them. i love to create, and i am dead in the water due to the latest round of injuries. *  in my mind i am back at the zebra bar, trying to come to terms with today. lonely, sad, and feeling very helpless. i do not do "helpless" well at all.

       this brace is permanent. the reconstruction surgery eventually failed, due to a re-injury a year ago which has me trapped on our second floor, and this is a dumb paw. it has been since i broke & mangled it in 7th grade gym class, doing something that no zebra should be asked to do. that was my introduction to RSD.  meh, it's better than it was then, but not by much. i was doing "okay" with this. i've been meditating for 35 years, and as i'm allergic to all opiate pain meds, it's a good thing. i manage how i handle the pain of living at a level of 9, presently. i'd like to get down to about a 5. i could not only function but groove, then. i'm not looking for miracles any longer.




   this is my left "paw". a torn flexor tendon and pinched blood vessel in the dislocation of my wrist: caused by picking flowers about 3-4 weeks ago, outside in my powerchair, in our own yard.

   barely showing is the brace that i am wearing. i very fortunately avoided surgery on this one, just 2 weeks ago! incomplete rupture of the tendon. just baby it and let it heal. oh, yeah, that'll happen.









   this is my latest, my right "paw".  i thought i had a dislocated pointer finger that wouldn't go back right, so i went to the ER last sunday. caption: " # 327: you know you have EDS when: you wake up with a dislocated finger for no apparent reason. i want ring splints!! more attractive and comfortable than tape!!" (or what tape does to zebra skin).

    at least i can still hitch hike, but that's about it! (i have my towel and my guide). i had two broken fingers and a broken wrist!! NO idea how i did it!! i have had to scramble just to figure out how i would get to the bathroom. my powerchair is downstairs; the stairs i usually fall down when i'm trying to go from up here to down there, mostly for doctors' appointments. i've been trapped upstairs for a whole year. used my awesome Pilot walker to get around up here, but i fall ALL the time. now i'm scooting around backwards in my rolling walker with the seat, scraping my one "good" ankle as i learn to maneuver it, and trying not to tip out onto my face as i have no balance. rigging a lap belt is next!

                                                                                                                       
 

 

 "THE JOURNEY BETWEEN WHO YOU ONCE WERE, AND WHO YOU ARE NOW BECOMING, IS WHERE THE DANCE OF LIFE REALLY TAKES PLACE."